Frustrated...

I feel like...there's fire under my skin. I can't sit still. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm screwing everything up, yet I can't concentrate enough to fix them. I don't still have a concussion, do I? See...this is fine. Writing in here is easy, no problem. But when I start trying to focus on anything for school it feels like my brain turns off. Why can't I just focus. I'm going to fail, and my parents are going to be disappointed with me. I'm freaking out right now. I have two lessons to teach tomorrow, and I can't even focus long enough to write my lesson plans. I'm so behind in all of my classes and I think I've used all my leniency points with my professors already. So what does this mean? Do I just give up? I can't, there's too much riding on this.

I'm so scared of failure. For me, it's the worst thing that could happen. And I just know that it is waiting for me here in a week or two. There's something majorly wrong with me. I seem to be tired of living. It's as if the car accident about three weeks ago took something out of me. How do I put it back in place. How do I fix all this messed up stuff that is coming my way. I don't think it's even possible. Why can't I just be happy, and keep living in the peaceful way that I have been. What is stopping me from moving on? Why can't I move on from this wreck? It's as if there is some power in it that is pulling me back to it all the time.

I mean obviously my eye is still screwed up, my back hurts, and I can't move as well. But I am alive. God saved me in the wreck and I'm supposed to be alive right now and living it like there was no tomorrow. I'm going to have to drive past the spot tomorrow. That's going to be weird. I don't know if I can do it. So yeah...I've got something loose right now, and I'm not sure what I need to do to fix it. I've got so much to do, and no will to do it all. So I guess if you believe in God, pray for me. I need to pray more faithfully myself, but it's so hard when I'm stuck in the middle of this circumstance. I don't know when I'm going to escape this. I will, won't I?